Skip to the Loo ...

According to the JEP, St Helier parishioners have voted in favour of purchasing a secret site on which to build ' state of the art ' public toilets .

I bet it's going to be the States Building, after all it is a very suitable site, used to dealing with effluent emissions.

Pandora

Mixed Messages

Those good citizens who have taken the trouble to read the Strategic Plan 2009 - 2014 must be feeling very confused after seeing last week's newspaper headlines. For example, Priority 16 of the Plan says that the States want to ' support the development of arts and heritage in Jersey...need to preserve , enhance and promote our rich heritage.

Yet,the headlines are saying museums are going to close, staff made redundant etc. The electorate are receiving mixed messages daily ; how can they be expected to support and vote for political representatives if they don't understand the policies they represent.

Pandora

Muppet Show

What a brilliant idea to video the States sittings and show them on the internet. We could advertise them as remakes of Big Brother or, even better, the Muppet Show -- remember , the one where strange looking creatures were manipulated by unseen hands.

Suggestions for the cast list would be greatly appreciated.

Pandora

Reality Check.

So the Chief Minister and his Chief Whip are confident that they can justify reducing the standard of living of 6,654 states employees. The Chief Minister has rubbed salt into the wound by telling the union leaders they " must face economic reality."

I suggest the Chief Minister looks beyond his fantasy world of smoke and mirrors to face political reality . The electorate did not vote him into the job, and 6,654 workers make up a substantial pressure group to lobby for his expulsion from the States.

As a former physics teacher he ought to remember Newton's Laws of Motion :
'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction '


Pandora

A Modern Fairy Tale.

Cinderella desparately wanted to go to the Jersey Live Aid concert but her income support payment did not stretch to a new outfit plus travel expenses. Her stepmother refused to help as she said she had given all her spare cash to the two Ugly Ministers.

As a last resort, Cinders e-mailed her Fairy Social Worker to see if she could get a special payment in time for the event. Fairy Social Worker said they'd be lucky to get a reply before Christmas ,she added that concessionary bus passes had been abolished so there was no help to be had there. However, she could use some old fashioned magic to turn a pumpkin into a coach but warned Cinderella that she would have to return home before midnight as the driver would be working to rule in support of the public workers' pay freeze dispute......

Anybody want to finish the story ?

Pandora

Pick A Pocket Or Two

When Oliver dared to ask for more, he ended up penniless and sharing poor standard housing
with Fagin and his gang of thieves. They were suffering from the effect of spending cuts due to an economic downturn so Fagin was reviewing the situation.

He decided that the solution was for the boys to go out and pick a pocket or two ,however,they were instructed to only pick the pockets of the rich not the poor.

Are you reviewing the situation Chief Minister ?

Pandora

Unfortunate plan.

I think the Chief Minister has been perusing the history books to find a solution to the financial black hole. He has secretly planned a return to the preindustrial age when the local authorities persuaded families to take in the 'unfortunates' from the community. These people were orphans,elderly,sick and infirm,delinquents and the mentally ill. This meant that the authorities did not have to pay out a penny to support those unable to fight back.

Unfortunately for you,Chief Minister,this is the 21st century where the 'unfortunates' have people like the JDA to fight on their behalf.

Pandora

A Minister A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

When will we get joined up thinking in the Big House?
It was announced not long ago that everybody would have to extend their working life and not retire until the age of 68+. Now we are being told to expect noticeable cuts in health services.
How can we stay fit enough to work that long if services are not available to help keep us healthy?

Pandora

Pennies From Heaven

I was helping someone to complete a Social Security application form for the " Personal Care Element of the Impairment Award ( I hope this is not a political crime! ) and I was rather bemused by the following question:
' Can you pick up an object such as a 2 pence piece with either hand?

Does the Minister of the Inferior know something about the economic downturn that we don't ?
Perhaps he is expecting a shower of pennies from heaven to help fill the taxation black hole.

Pandora

Dual Role Dilemma

Our big cousins across the water have for two years been disputing the political role of their Attorney General. Constitutional reformers want to depoliticise the role to make it completely independant. However, Jack Straw's constitutional reform bill, published yesterday, leaves the power of the Attorney General unchanged.

As the States of Jersey will shortly be arguing over the same dilemma, it is hoped that they will not need to seek advice from the Home Office as it will not be unbiased.

Pandora

ROBBING PETER TO PAY PAUL

Income Support claimants received a letter from the Ministry of Misinformation last week regarding payment of parish rates. It stated that that income support payments were calculated to include the cost of rates, so anyone who says they cannot pay their bill will receive a slapped wrist, but no further help from the Ministry.

Unfortunately, the Minister Without Portfolio has conveniently forgotten that when he sabotaged the rules regarding medical costs, many people on low incomes were forced to beg for HMA accounts. It wasn't made clear at the time that the amount paid weekly into the claimant's HMA account was subsequently deducted from another part of their income support allowance. No such thing as a free lunch!

So, when the Minister was publicly announcing what a good boy he was for helping the poor receive medical care, he was secretly deducting money from other allowances. Result: claimants have to pay more towards their rent, reducing the amount they can save towards their rates bill and are now been told it's all their own fault if they can't pay up, when it was the Minister who caused the problem in the first place.

" Politics is the art of looking for trouble,finding it whether it exists or not,diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedy."
Sir Ernest Benn 1930

Pandora

Ministry of Misinformation

Down at the ministry of misinformation,otherwise known as
the Social Security department ,a notice has appeared inviting people receiving Income Support to make an appointment to chat to the Minister and his team. Perhaps after Geoff's scathing report they are going to offer free courses in Gobblygook so we can all make sense of their claim forms.

For example,someone applying for a special payment towards the cost of a washing machine had their claim rejected because they " had not been awarded the personal care component of the impairment award." Has anybody heard of this? Has this been advertised for all to see?

Said claimant is still wading through pages of irrelevant gobbledygook and may have to resort to washing clothes on La Mare slip. No doubt it will be a crime to wash dirty linen in public....just a minute,the Council of Ministers do that every day .Perhaps they can be arrested for polluting the environment!

Pandora